relationships and connection
Managing ourselves in relationships can be tricky. We get so caught up in collaborating, pleasing, and ensuring the other person is well taken care of. But what about us? When we’re deeply committed to others, it becomes easy to forget about ourselves and we slowly fade into the background. Eventually, we realise that something doesn’t feel right. These small, or sometimes big, bursts of frustration start to show themselves—and we don’t always understand why.
But here’s what we’re going to do, there’s a way to break the cycle. By focusing on how to work on yourself, you can not only improve your own well-being but also strengthen your relationships. Let’s take a step back and evaluate how working on ourselves can lead to deeper, healthier connections with the people you love.
Okay, so I know that not all of us like taking accountability for our actions, but this is where it has to start. Learning how to work on yourself begins with understanding your behaviours—what you say, what you do, and how sometimes you aren’t even aware of it. We do it so naturally that we don’t even notice, like an old habit (personal development at it’s finest, right?).
When we take the time to better understand how we navigate our relationships, we start to see the bigger picture. It can feel confronting, but through this self-awareness, we’re able to take accountability for our actions and how we contribute to the relationship. It’s not all bad, it’s simply a starting point and growing from there.
For me personally, many of the issues I faced stemmed from family dynamics—there was always instability, which shaped how I viewed relationships. This led to inconsistent, parasitic connections, where there was a lot of blame but no accountability. But seeing these patterns in my family’s relationships made me realise I didn’t want to repeat those same mistakes. So, when the time came for my own relationship, I made a conscious decision to focus on building trust, consistency, and honesty and those became my core values. Having been in a relationship for almost 10 years with my partner, consistency is definitely there.
One exercise I recommend is journaling after a conversation. Reflect on how you reacted and what you could have done differently. Over time, you’ll start to see patterns that will help you become more aware of your role in relationships.
Take a moment to reflect on your recent interactions with someone close to you. “How did your actions contribute to the outcome? What’s one small change you could make to improve that dynamic?” This is a simple but powerful step in working on myself to improve your relationships.
Setting boundaries is the next important step on the priority list! It’s crucial to set clear but firm boundaries in our relationships. Sometimes, the other person might feel like they’re to blame for the boundary being placed, but this is where communication and understanding comes in. It’s important to make it clear that you’re intentionally working on yourself and need the space to re-centre so you can show up as your best self. Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away, they’re about creating the emotional space you need to be your healthiest and most authentic self, which ultimately supports building healthy relationships.
This can go both ways.
But remember, just because their reaction might be negative doesn’t mean you should continue putting yourself on the back burner—that’s simply not fair to you. When you set healthy boundaries, you’re being intentional about your well-being, which can actually improve the relationship. By showing up as your best self, you set a positive example, and if they’re open to it, they’ll be inspired to show up as their best self for you as well.
A helpful tip! Start by having an open, honest and calm conversation with your partner, family member or friend about your need for space or time for self-care. Clearly explain that it’s about your personal growth and that the relationship matters to you. Setting boundaries with respect and clarity can go a long way in maintaining a positive dynamic and building healthy relationships.
If you’re constantly giving and not taking the time to recharge, eventually, you’ll find yourself running on empty, and we don’t want that! When we don’t prioritise our own well-being, it leads to frustration, burnout, and emotional depletion.
As much as we want to be there for others, we need to be at our best to give our best. That’s why working on yourself through self-care isn’t as selfish as you might think or something you should feel guilty about—it’s a vital part of building healthy relationships.
Here’s how you can start nurturing yourself so you can nurture others:
Journaling prompt: “What are three self-care practices that help you feel recharged? How can you incorporate these into your weekly routine to ensure you’re consistently showing up as your best self in your relationships?”
Healthy relationships aren’t just built on shared experiences—they thrive on emotional understanding, compassion, and emotional growth. When we work on both empathy and emotional intelligence, we strengthen our ability to connect, support, and navigate relationship challenges together. Here’s how nurturing compassion and emotional growth can deepen your connections.
1. Empathy creates trust in relationships
Empathy is about understanding and sharing feelings with others to build strong, trusting relationships. When you show empathy, you create an environment where people feel heard, valued, and supported. This trust is the foundation of deeper emotional connections.
In conversations, focus entirely on active listening. Instead of planning your response, be fully present and reflect on what the other person is saying. Respond in a way that shows you’re engaged, like “I hear you.” Think of it this way, how would you want someone to respond if they were truly listening to you?
2. Emotional growth helps you respond, not react in relationships
Recognising your feelings and choosing a thoughtful response—rather than reacting impulsively is essential to learning how to work on yourself. This approach helps prevent misunderstandings and maintains emotional balance in your relationships. Emotional growth empowers you to respond mindfully and engage in healthier interactions. When you feel triggered, pause, check in with yourself, and ask, How can I express my feelings without escalating the situation?”
3. Compassion heals conflict in relationships
Disagreements are inevitable, but approaching them with compassion can heal conflicts and strengthen bonds. By understanding both your emotions and your partner’s, you’re more likely to find peaceful solutions and deepen your emotional connection.
In tense moments, try saying, “I hear you, and I’m feeling (fill in the blank) too. Let’s figure this out together.” This opens up a productive conversation not a confrontation, which is essential for emotional growth in relationships.
4. Emotional intelligence deepens connections
Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage your emotions and understand others feelings. Developing emotional intelligence is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. The more emotionally intelligent you become, the easier it is to navigate complex dynamics with care and understanding.
Take a few minutes each day to reflect on your emotional responses: Am I reacting, or am I responding thoughtfully? Regular self-reflection and emotional awareness help you build emotional intelligence, a key ingredient in long-lasting relationships.
5. Compassion and emotional growth create lasting bonds
When you nurture both compassion and emotional growth, you invite others to do the same, creating an environment where relationships can flourish. These qualities strengthen emotional connection and understanding, which are essential for a healthy, lasting relationship. Set an intention to show empathy and emotional maturity in your relationships. Small, consistent efforts like these have a profound impact.
Journaling prompt: Reflect on a recent emotional reaction in a relationship. How did it affect the situation? How could you have approached it with more empathy and emotional awareness?
The self-improvement journey isn’t just about personal growth—it profoundly influences your relationships. As you become more self-aware, emotionally mature, and intentional with your actions, you naturally improve the way you connect with others.
It’s easy to feel guilty for prioritising yourself, but with healthy boundaries allow you to show up more fully in your relationships. Instead of seeing boundaries as walls, view them as a way to create a healthier dynamic where both you and your loved ones can thrive. Not everyone will immediately understand or support your growth, and that’s okay. What matters is that you stay true to yourself.
As you grow, you also inspire those around you. Leading by example—practising patience, responding rather than reacting, and embracing self-care—can encourage others to begin their own journeys of self-improvement. Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift and celebrate your progress makes the journey even more fulfilling.
How to work on yourself isn’t just a solo journey—it’s a path that enhances every relationship in your life. As you work on understanding your emotions, setting healthy boundaries, and practising empathy, you create a positive ripple effect in your connections. The more you invest in personal growth, the stronger and more fulfilling your relationships become.
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A few years ago, I found myself overwhelmed, searching for deeper meaning. My curiosity about the world often left me with more questions than answers. As I moved through different seasons of life, I started connecting the dots and gaining clarity on who I am and what I wanted in life.
One pivotal moment caused me to pause, reflect, and ask myself: What does a fulfilling life look like for me? Embracing that realisation sparked a life-changing commitment to personal growth, which ultimately led me to create By Raina L.
Let’s do this thing called ‘growth’ together!
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