Mental and Emotional Wellbeing
Have you ever thought, “I’m trying so hard to grow, so why do I feel so stuck?” You’ve made space for growth—maybe through journaling, stillness, or new habits—but it’s brought up emotions you weren’t expecting.
This isn’t a sign something’s wrong with you. It’s a sign something real is beginning. And yes, growth often feels really hard at first. But that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. In fact, it means you’re doing it right (believe it or not.)
In this post, I want to share why self-growth feels messy and uncomfortable in the beginning and what’s actually happening underneath all that emotional discomfort.
And how to reframe your mindset so you can keep going—without being too hard on yourself.
This is especially for you if you’re just beginning your self-growth journey and wondering if it’s supposed to feel this way. You’re walking a path I’ve walked—and where you are right now matters. Trust me.
Let’s get into it.
Even if you’re choosing growth, your nervous system doesn’t always feel safe with change.
You’re shedding old habits, beliefs, and identities that once made you feel “safe”, even if they weren’t aligned. That’s uncomfortable. It’s unfamiliar. And it can make you feel stuck, even when you’re actually making progress.
Growth isn’t just about becoming someone new. It’s also about grieving who you used to be.
There have been many times I’ve felt the grief and mourning of shedding past versions of myself. To be honest, I still go through it. Some days it feels unbearable—other days, like I’ve made it through a storm.
I’d love to say it gets easier over time, but the truth is, the process unfolds in its own way. Sometimes there’s no clear pattern to it. In my experience, the best way through it is to go straight through the storm, not around it.
What I can say is this: your level of self-awareness and emotional capacity deepens each time. You become better at recognising the signs when those intense emotions rise within you.
And with that, you gain something invaluable—emotional intelligence, clarity, and a deeper understanding of yourself with every turning point.
When you start slowing down and going inward, you might notice:
This doesn’t mean you’re going backwards or that something is wrong. It actually means you’re doing deep work, and everything rising to the surface is ready to be released.
This is the part most people don’t realise: when those intense feelings and memories start to come up, we’re not suppose to hold onto them we’re suppose to let go. The important thing to remember is this: just because these emotions are rising doesn’t mean they get to take over your actions or behaviours.
Our emotions live in the body. And while we may think we’ve already dealt with certain situations mentally, our bodies often hold onto experiences long after the moment has passed. Just like your mind needs an outlet—so does your body.
So if you’re feeling more, It means you’re healing.
You might know the new belief:
But if you don’t feel it yet, that’s okay. Sometimes your mind understands the concept, but your body and heart are still catching up. And the disconnect can feel confusing, frustrating, but it’s not here to stay. This is part of the process.
Shifting your mindset isn’t just about repeating affirmations or writing journal entries. It’s about allowing those truths to sink in slowly, layer by layer, until they feel real. That takes time, safety, and patience with yourself.
And just like any root system, the deeper it grows, the stronger it becomes.
You’re no longer who you used to be, but you’re not quite who you’re becoming yet. This is the space in between. The void. And it can feel like floating in the dark without a map.
But this space isn’t empty, it’s sacred. It’s the cocoon. The quiet transformation the caterpillar goes through before becoming the butterfly.
And even if you can’t see it yet, something powerful is unfolding beneath the surface.
This is the part where growth roots itself deeply before blooming.
It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It doesn’t mean you’re falling behind. And it definitely doesn’t mean you’re not capable of doing amazing things.
Feeling stuck is just one part of the process—it’s not the whole story. Most of the time, it simply means you’re resisting the next layer of yourself.
Think of the butterfly again—if it resisted the transformation, it would never emerge from the cocoon. And yes, you’re the butterfly I’m talking about.
Resistance often shows up as self-doubt, procrastination, emotional overwhelm, or comparison. And that’s okay. That’s normal.
This is something I’ve come to learn again and again: resistance is a sign you’re evolving. It only shows up when you’re standing at the edge of real change.
Clarity comes after action. You’re allowed to take one small, imperfect step at a time. That’s more than enough.
If you’re in the beginning stages of your self-growth journey—feeling overwhelmed, unsure where to begin, or just needing a little self-guidance.
I’ve always believed this: you are both the teacher and the student at the same time, and so the answers you’re looking for are already inside you you just need a quiet space to hear them more clearly.
That’s why I created The Growth Lounge—a curated little corner where I’ve tucked away free tools to support you on your journey.
For this part of the process, I recommend starting with The First Step Reflection Guide. You can read more about the guide here. It’s a gentle, beginner-friendly mini journal I created to help you:
It’s not about fixing yourself. It’s about meeting yourself—fully, honestly, and with compassion. Because sometimes the most powerful step forward… is simply being real with where you are now.
If you’re ever wondering, “Why does growth feel so hard?” let this be your reminder: You’re not falling behind. You’re actually falling forward.
You’re right in the middle of becoming, and becoming is always a little messy. And you don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to keep showing up.
Welcome to your space for real self-growth. I’m here to support you as you grow into your most authentic self.
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About me
A few years ago, I found myself overwhelmed, searching for deeper meaning. My curiosity about the world often left me with more questions than answers. As I moved through different seasons of life, I started connecting the dots and gaining clarity on who I am and what I wanted in life.
One pivotal moment caused me to pause, reflect, and ask myself: What does a fulfilling life look like for me? Embracing that realisation sparked a life-changing commitment to personal growth, which ultimately led me to create By Raina L.
Let’s do this thing called growth together!
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