Over the past few years, I’ve quietly been walking through my own self-growth journey — one filled with doubts, breakthroughs, gentle lessons, and moments I never expected would shape me. I used to think self-growth was something you had to “figure out” all at once, but what I’ve learned is that it’s not a destination. It’s a slow, ongoing return to who you really are.
There were times when I thought I’d never get it right. And then there were moments when everything clicked, and I realised it’s never been about getting it “right” at all. It’s about unfolding, bit by bit, and embracing each step of the process.
In this post, I’m opening up and sharing what that journey has looked like for me — not because I’ve got it all together, but because maybe you’ll see a part of yourself in my story, too. Growth isn’t linear, and sometimes, it’s messy.
There was a time in my life when I didn’t even know what self-growth was. It wasn’t a well-known term like it is today. I’ve always had a curious mind, and personal development quietly fascinated me—even though I didn’t yet know it had a name. I just saw it as something interesting and important, but I had no idea how to describe it.
Still, I was stuck. Caught in this cycle of trying to figure everything out all at once. I was pushing myself to “do better,” even though I didn’t fully understand what that meant. I had all this information—books, videos, advice—but I didn’t know where to begin.
It was strange because I wanted so badly to become more of who I truly was, but I didn’t want to get it wrong. I didn’t want to be imperfect. I felt so frustrated with myself and deeply disappointed that I just couldn’t seem to get it right.
At the time, I thought self-improvement meant focusing on the best parts of yourself. But what I didn’t realise was that real growth requires looking at what’s hurting. And that kind of reflection slowly turned into healing.
That shift changed everything for me.
I used to think growth meant fixing what was broken. I didn’t know it could be soft. That healing could look like unlearning. That progress could feel invisible at first. I needed to surrender and let go, but I didn’t know how. And sometimes, the fear of what emotions might surface made me feel very scared fro unknown reasons.
But what I didn’t know then was that even feeling lost was part of the path.
This part of my journey wasn’t pretty, and I don’t think it was meant to be. In fact, it was through all the messiness that I found the answers I was searching for. But here’s the thing—this isn’t what most people talk about. They often try to dress up the process, make it look clean and easy, but the truth is, embracing the authenticity of it all is what truly matters. It’s through the mess that I grew the most into who I am today.
Embracing this messy process is like stepping away from the idea of perfection. It’s about accepting yourself without the fear of not being perfect. For me, it was okay to question everything until I found the answers that truly resonated with me. It meant embracing the silent cries and actually feeling into the emotions. It meant consciously choosing to walk away from what was familiar, even though I knew it wasn’t serving my well-being.
It was about accepting the discomfort, while clinging to the quiet but powerful knowing that “I’ll be okay.”
And yet, it was in this mess where I grew the most. There were days when it felt like I was moving backward, days when I questioned everything. I cried in silence. I walked away from things that no longer fit—things that once felt comfortable, but were ultimately unhealthy for me.
I’ve faced some of the darkest moments of my life, but I always held on to the hope that “I’m okay.” And that “okay” was more than enough for that moment in time.
Because to reach the light at the end of the tunnel, I had to remember that growth doesn’t come from staying the same. It comes from stepping out of the familiar and confronting the discomfort. I had to face parts of myself I had never truly seen before.
It wasn’t about becoming someone new. It was about embracing and becoming the embodiment of who I was before the world became too loud. Self-growth isn’t about perfection. It’s about reclaiming peace and embracing who you are, even in the quiet, messy moments.
Self-growth, to me now, means embracing who you are—even in the midst of chaos. It’s about becoming more accepting, more self-aware, and more present with the person you’re still becoming.
In the beginning, self-growth felt like pressure—like I had to constantly be better, hold myself to impossible standards, and chase some perfect version of myself. But with time, my perspective shifted. Self-growth now means honouring each season of life, embodying the lessons I’ve learned, accepting both my flaws and strengths, and becoming an example for those walking a similar path—so they can see what’s possible too.
It no longer feels like a race toward success or endless self-improvement. Instead, it feels like presence. It’s not about doing more, but about being more.
To me, self-growth now looks like:
Today, I protect my peace like a boundary—not a luxury. I’ve learned to trust the slow, sacred unfolding of my path instead of rushing to meet the world’s expectations.
This is what self-growth means to me now. It’s still evolving—and I know it always will be. But now, it’s rooted in intention, self-compassion, and truth
If you’re at the beginning of your self-growth journey — or somewhere in the messy middle — I see you. You’re not behind. You don’t have to rush. You’re allowed to grow at your own pace, in your own way.
You don’t need to be perfect. In fact, there’s no such thing. There is only you — and the next small, brave step you take, no matter how uncertain or messy it may feel.
Even in the quiet moments when no one is watching, when it feels like no one is cheering you on — know that you’re not alone. Sometimes, growth isn’t loud. Sometimes, it’s just the soft decision to try again. To believe in yourself again. To keep going, even when it feels hard.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just need to take the next right step. And that’s more than enough.
What does self-growth look like for you right now? What part of your journey are you ready to honour?
I’d truly love to hear your thoughts — feel free to share in the comments. Your story matters, and you never know who it might inspire.
And if you’re looking for a gentle place to start or deepen your journey, my 5-Day Self-Growth Journal is a beautiful companion. It’s designed to help you slow down, reflect, and reconnect with yourself,— one page at a time.
Welcome to your space for real self-growth. I’m here to support you as you grow into your most authentic self.
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About me
A few years ago, I found myself overwhelmed, searching for deeper meaning. My curiosity about the world often left me with more questions than answers. As I moved through different seasons of life, I started connecting the dots and gaining clarity on who I am and what I wanted in life.
One pivotal moment caused me to pause, reflect, and ask myself: What does a fulfilling life look like for me? Embracing that realisation sparked a life-changing commitment to personal growth, which ultimately led me to create By Raina L.
Let’s do this thing called ‘growth’ together!
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